my cock took me walkabouts [debut album 1985/86]

i’ve been neglecting my wordpress diary,cause i’d wigged out a little bit over the summer…i found the songwriting tricky…..i’d work on something for weeks only to find it was unworkable…it happened to me a bunch of times this year…these elaborate tracks that refused to birth their way into songs…it made me nervous and moody,where the only thing left to do was concentrate on music at the expense of everything else.in the end i managed to midwife four recorded songs,it’s not a lot,but i felt better for having achieved such an odd little cluster of trinkets….there were some absurd moments…the letting go of sprawling epics that i’d invested all my time in,to suddenly stumbling on simpler and stronger ideas that would complete themselves effortlessly over one evening.

so here i am taking on where i left off months and months ago,but first i’m posting that little cluster of freelydownloadablesongs,so you know i wasn’t just being lazy.

so yes…i’d let my diary go,just when i was getting into a roll…the next post was to be about my first solo record,and so here it is.

it’s 1985…the jackets have huge shoulder pads…

the shoulder pads are so overblown,i even encounter ladies who’d use fresh tampons to firm up a tired shoulder line…

there’s money sloshing all around london,

and that alone makes it a completely different london from the london i’d always known.

to be set free in a big city with no worries of rent, is just about enough rope to discover and hang yourself with…all in one go.

it occurs to me now that there were two simple electrical currents lighting my candle in my twenties….

and that would be… MY music….and sex.

while other candidates had the good sense to soak up a little culture,i did hardly any of that.

i wasn’t interested in tapping into any new trendy club scene,although sometimes i’d force myself to.

i wasn’t interested in art galleries or the choir music in the abbey…

although at times i’d be lucky enough to find myself there…

i only went to see nina simone at a half empty ronnie scotts cause i had to kill time before the totty turned up.

oh no….the only thing i wanted besides my own music was to get laid.

for the longest time i felt guilty about that,

but now i realise that although my cock took me walking and walking……and walking…

it did take me on a truly scenic route,far away from the tourist trail….

my cock walked me through some intense experiences,

my cock pulled me towards some really interesting people…

through these endless walkabouts,stuff would happen..

my cock taught me the maps of london,new york and los angeles…

and more than anything it gave me something to write about.

 

it was during this chapter that i experienced getting tied up for the first time.

i didn’t want it,but the manly trade was skilled at getting his way….

i was rightly scared,but once the fun started,i was totally getting into it…

the trade was shocked…

he said he’s never seen such a turnaround and loss of inhibition…..hahahahahhaaha

it’s those little things that supply me with colourful lively experience to draw from….

i remember one sunny day when everyone was off to wembley for that live aid concert,

i was naked in a house in barons court playing chess with a big bald businessman,

while he smoked and drank from a well cut brandy glass.

we make our choices.

 

now the eighties were the last decade of the closet homosexual,

but because stakes were high,many fruits ducked and dived the issue…

you had george michael having himself photographed on beaches with a topless ‘girlfriend’

boy george got around it by saying ‘he’d rather have a nice cup of tea’

and who can blame them?!

when you don’t come from rich mans stock, it makes perfect sense not to blow the chance for finally making some proper money.

of course you have a counter to that , with people like the good jimi somerville…

i admire jimi so much for his trailblazing ..

such a ballsy little guy…and tom robinson in the previous decade…

the place where i found it took most balls to be bendy was with my own family…

it would be a while before i’d take a deep breath and bring the boyfriend home.

it’s one thing to shout it from the media rooftops,

but it’s far more of a haul getting into all of that stuff with your own mother.

so that’s what my first album means to me…a time of self discovery….

a start for searching around in the mess for my own musical style…

a time for making bad expensive videos..

a learning curve that would help me in later decades when technology allowed the likes of me to make engaging dirt cheap videos.

 

dear reader,i could tie this post up by ending with one of those expensive pointless videos,

but i feel it’s more fun to lay on this dirt cheap, and far more substantial affair…

this is me testifying over some gorgeous bill evans jazz.

i hope it finds you smiling…

mary of the wilderness.