i cannot believe my eyes

they look like they’re laughing right into the face of anyone who swallowed their hustle. (IN FULL VIEW)

Donald Trump,Nigel Farage

Nigel Farage, ex-leader of the British UKIP party, speaks as Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump, left, listens, at Trump’s campaign rally in Jackson, Miss., Wednesday, Aug. 24, 2016. (AP Photo/Gerald Herbert)

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oh england..what HAVE you done my luv

IMG_0575 today i feel more european than i’ve ever felt in my whole life, and i intend to cherish and guard my european identity like never before. it’s so severe within me right now, that an english sunday roast looks kind of gross to my eyes at present…all that gloopy runny brown gravy…it’s looks disgusting on a plate compared to the more colourful food from the continent or south america or japan, and i can just see a load of little englanders hunched over kitchen tables gobbling down on their yorkshire puddings while the english pound pukes its guts up all over the floor… take a look at a twat in a t-shirt.IMG_0549

in our garage there’s a box of coca cola cans, and if a delivery van comes by and the driver is polish or from anywhere overseas, i give him one of the cans..i LOVE doing that…it’s a beautiful thing watching a foreign person struggle with the english language…it’s survival in action, and when i tell them to hang on while i grab them a can of coke,they look puzzled but then they realise it’s just a random act of kindness…no words need to be said,they just know that there are people here welcoming them..it’s a subtle political gesture on my part

i’ve been getting into gardening lately, but i’m trying to fuck with it, so i bring in pieces of junk and attempt to re appropriate objects..right now i’m in the middle of building a rock garden and i got a big cartwheel from germany that thomas painted gold and hopefully it will look a bit like a rising or setting sun behind mountains.. thomas is going to paint our outdoor giant chess board black and gold.. i’m also thinking about employing text and symbols,so i’ve ordered a stencil set and will have circles of gold euro stars in a few of the paving stones in the promenade…just subtle things sweetie…and somewhere hidden i’ll stencil the words ‘golden years’ to commemorate the beautiful man who is david bowie,and better times when we were wise enough to be in the european union….so yes i’m calling our back garden ‘golden years’.IMG_0568 - Version 2IMG_0326IMG_0032

i do love the polish waitresses in the cocktail bars and cafes in central london..our faces are familiar with each other and it’s always good. how interesting that london which is the most integrated part of the country wanted to stay in the union. the capital wasn’t spooked. i love the new mayor who is muslim.. unlike doris johnson he hangs with ease at a gay pride parade..that man has a kind good face….and now i’m thinking how i’ve always loved lustrous asian hair…black as the night…same with the chinese and japanese hair…so straight and strong and shiny and black.

what a world right now.. interesting to think how donald trump and nigel farage are of the same political DNA…look how badly they both dress and how it’s reflected in the aesthetic of their thinking…LOVE this scottish lady at the golf club keen to greet mr spunkfail’s helicopter on arrival or departureIMG_0478

then there’s the music…i am soooo not in the mood for any traditional britrock right now… i’m into black soul and the quintin tarantino soundtracks which feature a lot of moody mariachi tracks…and i’m into the late conny plank’s german productions…and european jazz… years ago two irish fellas from cork turned me on to a swedish jazz trio called Esbjorn Svensson Trio. it’s modern forward leaning music..tears up the rule book.

was watching glastonbury…all those fantastic young folk..seems all of them and the bands and singers wanted the union.. old buggers buggered it up for them.

that british bulldog sure looks a little lonely right now, and i wonder how he feels knowing that he NOW MIGHT LOOSE HIS BIG HAIRY BULLDOG BALLS CALLED SCOTLAND

i hope doris johnson iain duncan smith nigel farage and michael gove’s piles burst in their white chinos on a hot humid day during cricket.

 

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two men kissing

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apparently one of the things that triggered him was seeing two men kissing. perhaps the world could do with getting used to seeing more men loving and enjoying one another..       i mean..look how cute it is. making firearms illegal would be even cuter.

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two men kissing

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europe

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i can’t stand this referendum, and i wish it wasn’t happening because i don’t think we the general public are qualified to make an informed choice over something so complex and crucial. if all of us were given a short test of 30 key questions to measure our knowledge of britain within the context of modern europe, i’m not sure enough of us would pass that test to justify a public referendum. it’s like letting passengers fly a plane, and when they crowd into the cockpit, they end up flapping and flipping switches on a hunch….crashhh

another thing i’m beginning to seriously loath is my own sense of nostalgia…it’s like a disease of the mind…nostalgia lies to us… people aren’t yearning for an old england.. their yearning for their YOUTH. there’s no end of old mods in their late fifties still attempting to large it up..you can see them from a mile off, locked into a daft worldview and hairstyle that doesn’t quite work for them anymore and it gets them angry.  if these souls can’t even make the right choice with a haircut in their later years, how can they be trusted to determine the outcome of a country?

then there’s them english nationalist skinheads with their german nazi swastikas. such a weird irony.. however, germany isn’t that country anymore,and it only was for a phase.. and that’s because hitler launched at a time of poverty and was therefor able to manipulate a vulnerable population into a dark dark place…that crap can happen again anywhere..all it needs is poverty and a manipulative charismatic mouthpiece…that’s why europe is so great with human rights..it has seen the dark side, and works hard to stay away from it.

an unfunny thing about many brexit voters is their hatred for political correctness. i personally feel we can never have enough of it. it’s pushes us forward and raises the bar…imagine a time when woman were fighting for the vote, you just know there would have been a pile of men calling it political correctness gone wrong…or how about the times when forward thinking black and whites had to fight for the right to even dance with each other in the same ballroom, or share the same schools..or the same toilets..again there would have been some whitey complaining about political correctness…there’s a book about motown artists on the road, where diana ross wasn’t allowed to buy vanilla ice-cream..she was only allowed the chocolate…she wasn’t allowed to use the same roadside toilets as white folk. imagine the grim conditions for workers before unions..unions are born out of political correctness.

as a kid performing pop music in the 1970’s, i loved our frequent trips to germany. our standard of living instantly went up on arrival..dignified dressing rooms…basic yet good clean hotels…..we’d return to england, drive straight to a gig and the dressing room would often be a filthy toilet, and our accommodation would be gritty…brush nylon sheets and less healthier breakfasts. i’ve only ever known europe to raise the bar..in my experience it never lowered it.

when i watch certain types of politicians, i can’t help asking myself…is it all performance? there’s all sorts of ways of becoming a rock star now..you don’t have to play music, but like hitler, you MUST perform…so i guess you could do politics instead…the money’s not bad. sometimes when i think of ones like george galloway or donald trump..or boris johnson..or nigel farage, they’re like show boating performance artists or rock stars, only the glamour is even more toxic.

i love angela merkel for putting her money where her mouth is… she never behaves like a rock star. history will be kind to her.. she let in all those refugees running from a nightmare.. she simply did the right thing…it was beautiful…a compassionate gesture on a massive scale…so kind and generous…may we here in britain never have to run from bombs or guns like those poor folk. human rights are why i’m voting to stay in.refugees

i remember living in northern ireland and watching southern ireland blossom when large grants came through around 1992…when the EU opened up its handbag to ireland it was a game changer.. northern ireland in the sixties was the more modern side of the island, but then the south raced ahead when it joined up. it was fairly bleak beforehand.

politics sure are dreary..but i’m starting to understand how even a tomato is political.. where did it come from..how much does it cost…is it a fair deal?.

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i love the eurovision song contest

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i never watch the show..wayyy too long, but i love the central idea of it. for me it’s like a version of the olympic games only far more fey. when i think about the constipated nimbys who want britain to leave europe, it makes me love the eurovision song contest even more. i mean.. in these times where so many are talking about building walls and pulling shutters down, here’s this knowingly daft occurrence which finds nations joining hands through the medium of song…it’s almost pagan in the light of that.. a completely harmless outwardly reaching cultural gesture…

a thrilling thought is wondering if it will ever uncover another abba ever again … eurovision did good work for smaller countries in the 1970’s. ireland at a low point felt pride at being correctly perceived as a songwriterly nation because of it… kids in england knew nothing about countries like sweden until abba.. it’s a young persons geography guide by osmosis.

as a seven year old, eurovision gave licence to stay up past bedtime, and was one of the sweetest introductions to the magic of song…i loved puppet on a string…but this one’s the greatest hoot of them all..esther and abi ofarim..

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the power of hair.. the power of going bald.

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i sometimes wonder if men who go bald early on in life are more inclined to grow up quicker. after all.. they’ll never suffer from what i call cuteness disease. cute fluffy men are more in danger of not getting taken seriously. when you’re young and pretty you can fall into the lazy trap of allowing yourself to be stroked and patronised, where as young bald men have no choice but to play a different hand of cards. without realising, cuteness can socially arrest the development. it must be a delight for bald men to finally realise that in the adult world, they’re perceived as stronger and more formidable…sexier even… in some very crucial departments bald men maybe have the last laugh.

and then there’s the wigs..one of the most unsettling things is seeing a male who you know in a wig for the first time…it takes some getting used to. wigs have an almost magical power in that they are strange and transformative….. a bunch of years ago i made a little music video where i had to wear a wig…it wasn’t even for drag…it was to take on the look of a long haired 70’s rocker…my boyfriend came to the set later on when i was fully decked out, and it sort of upset him…he said i was like a stranger…but it was just a frigging wig.

now i’m thinking of the unspoken power of the actual hair industry..how many salons are there across the land…how many people do they employ, and how much tax does that pay into a country. don’t forget to consider all the spendy hair products as well. it’s obviously big business. another funny thing is when you finally find a perfect hairdresser who does you just as you like it, the relationship takes on a kind of one sided monogamy..you’d never let anyone else near you, and you’d be crushed if your perfect hairdresser ever moved on.

a hairstyle on a politician seems to have magic powers as well…even when it’s awful.. donald trump and boris johnson are vogueing their comedy hair for all they’re worth.

in rock and roll, hair becomes an ambassador for the actual music…from little richard onwards, they all had great hair…even mangled hair works, just as long as it’s carried off with conviction.. think of robert smith or jimi hendrix, yet baldness or bad hairstyles in pop music are usually a cardinal sin. imagine marc bolan having recorded his big hits only being bald…would we have still sent his rocket skyward? ..and even if the exact same records did become hits only with a bald frontman,would we have heard them differently?…what about bruce springsteen only bald…or elvis…come to think of it, would rock and roll ever have even existed without hair?..i dunno.

maybe our minds are more sophisticated these days, and hair’s less of a deal breaker. i was thinking that while watching this clip of future islands… i’m not ashamed to tell you that the singer gives me extreme horn..it’s as clear as bells he’s receding, and i like that a lot.

 

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the decades of our lives

pinky

a silly thing i remember about the 1980’s was the overuse of ‘absolutely’.. many media minions hijacked that word for all they were worth, figuring it would give them a veneer of gravitas. every bloody reply was absolutely this or absolutely that.. another funny detail was the shoulder pads which just grew bigger and bigger…i had two lady backing singers on a tour once,and they used to plump up tired shoulder pads with tampons.. i loved that.

in the 1970’s the wrong men started to wear tight trousers without any underwear…there were a few funny things about this..the first was the squelching of the testicles and penis together down one side of the leg to make fellas look like king dong…this resulted in folk talking to one another while eyes naturally rolled towards the inelegant pudge down one side of the others trousers….the other hilarious thing about that underwear free decade was when young beer swilling men went for a wee wee in a pub,they’d come back to the bar with what we called ‘the wet penny’… a pathetic little stain of fresh urine at the top of a tight flared trouser leg from having not shaken their willy dry. i blame eric clapton.

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a great thing about the 1960’s was the quality of performances on pop records. recording in those days wasn’t a forgiving medium, and many bands and singers hated recording because it highlighted all their shortcomings, and so it follows the very limitations of technology filtered out singers who could actually sing for real, and players who would properly play their tits off. all we heard was strong performances, free of smoke and mirrors.. even the bubblegum was good.. also there was so much less product, so everything had a gold dust quality to it, but the biggest kick of all was the clear divide between adults and youth..they loathed each other.

the 1990’s made my tummy rumble..cd’s of the dire straits playing in middle class cars..i call it the family hatchback sound…the revival of wallpaper along with that chintzy bordering paper that would peel off slightly and just hang there…the dawn of everyday men with steroid induced muscles..none of the authenticity of big hairy coalmen or rugby players. lots of garlic in our dinners to make us all feel terribly continental. my own breath must have been putrid.

a truly fantastic aspect about the 2000’s was the gays not dying…if you’re straight you’ll maybe not know what we encountered on a regular basis in the 80’s and 90’s..we were never out of hospital visiting folk radically below their proper weight..too young to get their heads around the idea of death…the fear and dread…so yes it’s real nice..real nice to see things finally getting sorted…medication…science.

i like today…i suppose what i’m trying to do here in these paragraphs is an exercise of not being so frigging nostalgic about life..in truth it was all pretty shabby…you’ve only got to look at those old top of the pops re-runs to see it…i remember grime and unchecked bigotry…i’m thinking it’s not the right time to be wearing rose tinted glasses…everything’s changing, so there’s a lot to be learning…none of us like the obvious toxic stuff that’s going on,but there are some seriously smart young people out there…the evolutionary upgrade in them is apparent..i can easily see them saving the day. people like elon musk spring to mind…..seth godin for his insights around the behaviour of business… there’s loads of them. check the brain and ears on this 21st century boy for human evolution…

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