government issued selfie sticks

dads-everywhere-cant-get-enough-of-their-new-selfie-sticks-jpgeven the most pug ugly of brits have become addicted to the act of taking constant selfies. after a lifetime of feeling invisible, grown men and woman can’t deny themselves the false lunchtime stardom of facebook or instagram.. everywhere they go they upload evidence of their amazing lives for the approval of virtual friends in the same town or faraway land.

many of these silver haired narcissists cause deadly accidents on busy roads pausing mid traffic to catch yet another special moment, but the strangest thing was when conspicuous numbers of oldsters ended up with frozen shoulder from repeatedly holding up iPhones way above eye level for that most anti ageing of angles.

a frozen shoulder is a terrible nightmare, where simple things like pulling on a winter cardigan can be searingly painful. the whole scenario was costing our NHS a fortune on physiotherapy. big chunks of fully employed citizens were taking crucial time off work to heal, but theresa may, our generous prime minister had a brainwave and immediately  issued free selfie sticks to the infirm. over a matter of months this remedied our collective frozen shoulder, taking stress off regional health services, while breathing new life into the sheffield steel industry with sudden demand for decent long lasting selfie sticks…

and everybody lived happily ever after.

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