billy and benny’s marriage guidance clinic

flake-ukulelelondon girls used to be the worst, until a wide boy entrepreneur called danny reynolds overheard a ding dong goin on between two irate neighbours. one was an old homophobe, the other an old fagg. insults were flying when the old homophobe came out with a cracker..hey stevie doll.. i’ll pay for the broken fence if you teach my lazy wife how to suck cock properly….

a lightbulb went off above danny’s head.. there was rich truth in the old homophobe’s hard hitting jibe.. it’s true. only men know how to suck cock properly. it’s just a fact…woman, in the main are different…they aspire to the making of tender love, while men, due to their inherent lack of sensitivity, want a far more visceral experience…woman aren’t so readily inclined to chow down on anything unfamiliar to them. it takes the more gutsy of the fairer sex to weave fellatio into the fabric of their sex lives… but don’t shoot me.. i’m only the messenger.

danny had an idea..even though men were the best cocksuckers, there’s no reason why woman couldn’t up their game…all you needed was an able gay man to show them how. danny knows many. he likes them a lot..they’re huge fun, and even though he’s mostly a butch heterosexual, he takes it as a massive compliment when a ladyboy buys him beer or blows him benign kisses. now because danny’s incredibly streetwise, he knows the whole gay social spectrum, and contrary to popular belief, not all of them are stinking rich…a lot of them are quite poor actually,but what they all have in common is they’re all keen cocksuckers. unlike woman, who gently stroke the bell-end with their long varnished finger nails, while gingerly nibbling away like a fucking mouse, a man will roll his sleeves up and get the tough meat down the back of his throat without fail…some have done so much of it they no longer have gagging reflexes, and so there’s none of that unpleasant vomiting sound when you’re headlong into a nice long session of face slamming….it’s also one of the reasons why gay men are such good singers..their throats have been stretched wide open, giving them huge range or a pleasingly husky tone.

danny knows one pansy called billy who’s really down on his luck right now, and if he doesn’t come up with money soon he won’t be able to afford the rent on his london apartment..he’ll have to move back up to sunderland which would be a total nightmare. he refuses to go on the game because he’s a bit pompous and therefor feels it’s beneath him…the other interesting thing is billy’s unemployed boyfriend benny happens to be bisexual..so danny suggests setting up a business where these two able men could teach wives how to chow down wholeheartedly on their husbands or boyfriends.

danny managed to form a long orderly queue of curious ladies beating a pathway to billy and benny’s door…they would watch the two men, and then have a go on benny while billy watched and gave critical guidance.. when those wives went back home, their husbands didn’t know what had hit them..it was so good, they’d often return to billy and benny for advanced tuition in fully controlling the gagging reflex.

these days you often see billy and benny out shopping on new bond street for clothes.. soho for vinyl records… velvet pelmets and curtains at laura ashley in covent garden. danny does alright out of it too..he charges 25% commission on all business brought to billy and benny. all profit came about through word of mouth without danny resorting to any crowd funding websites for marketing budgets.

we have to live frankly and fairly and by our wits in today’s world

This entry was posted in fun, london, love, politics, sex, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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