boxing day in accident & emergency

man-shoves-bottle-anus-constipation-reliefone lonely size queen with immense fortitude succeeded in lodging an empty milk bottle up his back passage, but then it sailed past the closing sphincter. his emotional tears of gratitude when we finally managed to retrieve that object out of there were priceless. we get that kind of thing here all the time. it’s nothing new to us..what some people get up to in the privacy of their own homes during the holiday period is beyond the pale.

a husband who’d been getting on his wife’s nerves felt the full force of her knee up to his bollocks and managed to fracture his pelvic floor..his testicles swelled up to the size of oranges before our very eyes…she apparently snapped when he complained in the kitchen that his brussel sprouts weren’t cooked properly…they weren’t soft enough y’see… so she made his sprouts a little softer for him.

a short sighted anorexic model accidentally slathered her long blonde tresses in leg hair removal cream and wrapped a hot towel around it all for half an hour, thinking she was giving her golden locks a deep conditioning treatment, and when she rinsed it off, her whole barnet came away and left her looking like sinead o’conner in the 1980’s…which wasn’t so bad, but in the light of it, she downed a bottle of pills and had to be pumped out …daft cow.

an old lady with a dicky heart died while waiting for all these cretins to be dealt with.

here at our end of year staff party in the pub over the road we laugh our tits off about it all, but shirley was just saying…and i agree… ever since we’ve been doing nightshifts at A&E, we never quite view folk in same the way we used to… i once had unconditional respect for adults and elders… but not anymore.

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