a 1972 interview for woman’s weekly.


it was unprintable apparently.. the editor was fuming, accusing me of coming back with nothing.. he wanted the absolute lowdown on johnny friendly… his love affairs.. his financial status.. future plans.. but i got nothing. only this..

” i eat simple food…the day starts with half a litre of lukewarm water to flush me out, followed by a very big bowl of kelloggs all bran with fresh milk… the great thing about all bran is it literally scrapes the walls of the intestines. it’s wonderful stuff..the most underrated and least talked about of all breakfast cereals. my bowels are in perfect working order “

“i haven’t had a girlfriend in over twenty years actually.. i keep myself in a constant state of yearning in pursuit of the perfect love song…i fear a daily flood of affection would drown my talent, so i’m very much a single man. i pleasure myself regularly though.. sometimes three to five times a day… the great thing about masturbation is you can have congress with anyone you like in any way you like, but it only works when you exercise your imagination, and in my imagination i’ve made love to many great woman in many amazing ways… some of them are anonymous ladies i’ve seen through the passenger window of my limousine …some of them are the wives of powerful politicians….it goes on and on…i might even make love to you when you’ve gone, but not while you’re here..that would spoil everything don’t you think? “

“yes it’s true…sometimes i feel like a lonely single man…but then again, i’m married to my work… my music keeps me company” ….blah blah blah blah blah

of course johnny friendly was nothing more than a lying poof…but who can blame him .. this was 1972 for god’s sake.. funnily enough, it all turn out okay for me…of all the interviews i did, this gem gets reprinted again and again in academic text books exploring the shifting sands of popular culture, so i’ve made good money out of that one, even if it was rejected and supposably dead in the water on the day i delivered it.

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2 Responses to a 1972 interview for woman’s weekly.

  1. Fullmerscott says:

    Hi, Mary

    I wrote a couple new songs for my fucked up, married soulmate. I was hoping you could give me lyrical advice. Two sides of the same coin, and the happy side had more lyrics than than the sad, but they both are cheesy as hell. And yes, I’m still fucking her. I hope you are well, and I hope you can save me from my idealistic, romantic self.

    Song 1

    I’m Finished

    Verse I can still remember The first day we met Even though I don’t want to I can never forget The instant attraction We tried not to stare That look in your eyes, That started this crazy affair

    PreChorus But I know I gotta let you go Now I’m …..


    I’m finished Trying to convince you I’m finished Trying to understand you I’m finished Hoping that you’ll leave him I’m finished Waiting for you What else can I do

    Verse There once was a time when That I could have been Your husband, your lover, and your very best friend But you just couldn’t feel it All the love in my heart It doesn’t matter now, Baby You’ve torn it all apart

    PreChorus What can I do I thought you said that we were through So now….

    Chorus I’m finished Telling you how much I love you Dreaming about what our lives could be Holding on to hope Holding on to love Holding on to you..

    Verse You told me you’d leave him You loved me you swore But I guess lies are fair In love and war I just wish that I knew Where it all went wrong How did we become, Just another sad love song

    PreChorus What can I say To make make the pain go away Why can’t you see, You’re the one who left me

    So now…..

    Chorus I’m finished Being in love I’m finished Being in love I’m finished Being in love I’m finished Being in love With you…… It’s true

    I’m finished Being in love I’m finished Being in love I’m finished Being in love

    With you

    Verse And know that you know I can’t lie anymore

    I should have known all along you were just a whore

    Those last two lines were not part of the song, but what I felt.

    Song 2

    Love Is The Best Thing LONG

    Verse Once in a lifetime You might find A love poets write about Something one of a kind

    If you find it baby Never let it go A love like that Is worth more than gold

    PreChorus It doesn’t matter What people say It doesn’t matter That you ran away You don’t need to say “I love you” Just remember that I’m always thinking of you ……because

    Chorus Love is the best thing, you’ll ever find Love is the only thing that can make you change your mind Love is the best thing, you’ll ever know Love is the only thing that can really save your soul

    Verse Sometimes in this life We can lose our way Things that are wrong Seem right someway

    Just like the love That I have for you It’s something I can’t forget No matter what I do

    PreChorus You don’t have to Live your life so sad If you’ll just remember All the love we had I know it’s all still there Deep inside your soul You can hide your feelings But in your heart you know…..because


    Verse I still remember All the times you cried All of the pain and fear The shame you tried to to hide

    I just wanted to hold you And never let you go It wasn’t that easy for you I just didn’t know

    PreChorus You don’t have to cry anymore You don’t have to lie anymore You don’t have to Live in fear Just come back to me baby I’ll still be waiting here…….because


    Verse Locked in a guided cage, baby I guess you never knew You can’t love another If you can’t love you

    And maybe someday You’ll finally be free And if you ever are I hope you’ll come find me

    PreChorus So please don’t cry Those tears anymore You don’t have to be sad Just open up the door And if you change your mind Baby, it’s ok Just don’t say that you’re sorry I love you anyway…….because


    Verse I’ve tried so hard now To help you set yourself free But there’s nothing I can do Because you hold the key

    I know your confused sometimes You say that love isn’t real But inside your heart baby You know what you feel

    PreChorus I shouldn’t have told you That you had to choose I’m sorry baby I wasn’t in your shoes You needed a friend Just to hold your hand I wish I could go back now I finally understand…..because


    Solo – Verse, Prechorus, Chorus

    Verse Now that I’ve tried I’ve tried to let you know How much I love you, baby I just can’t let you go

    I know that you packed your bags And ran away from me If you ever change your mind You know right where I’ll be

    PreChorus You don’t need to run away, anymore You don’t need To try and close the door You don’t need to say, “I love you” And you don’t need to explain You don’t need To carry all that pain…..because


    Verse I know that you feel it too That’s why your so sad Just let your feelings come through Remember what we had

    I know you’re afraid sometimes You don’t know what to do I just hope you remember I’m always here for you

    PreChorus Still in my dreams I can see your face All of he memories I just can’t erase There has to more to us Please don’t end our romance Cause I’ll never be over you baby Just give me one more chance……because


    Verse I hope that you know It’s not now or never As long as it takes you I’ll be waiting forever

    Cause I’ve always known The same thing you do to That you still love me And I still love you too

    PreChorus Baby it’s so hard To try to let you go But I just thought That I should let you know A love like ours Isn’t easy to find Baby, I’m still right here If you change your mind…..because


    Verse Once in a lifetime We find something real It’s not very common baby A love that’s ideal

    I just don’t understand Why you couldn’t stay But I hope that you always know I love you anyway

    PreChorus I hope you remember All the love we shared And you also remember That I’m alway right there

    If you need a shoulder to cry on If you need a friend I will always be there Until the very end….. because

    Chorus fade

    I cut it down to 4 verses, but that was a flurry of thought I couldn’t stop.

    You are so much more poignant than I, I’m the quintessential cheesy love song writer, but….

    It’s just me, the horrible songwriter


    Oh, I finally got divorced, and lost Chico and Spaghetti, but not much else.



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