“shame” … world aids day 2014

it beats me why there’s not a stronger affinity between the blacks and the gays…both have undergone comparable injustice…..if you’re sensitive,it can do real damage to your sense of self worth, and while there’s a fatal disease that finds inroads through the easy door of desire,you need all the self worth in the world in order to duck and dive it.

the gays and blacks often played the same assimilationist trick on themselves.many blacks straightened their hair,while many a gay wanted to be perceived as just like them…think of whitney housten and michael jackson all whitened up for the 1980’s,and then think of george michael having staged photos with a topless girl on a beach,or elton married to renata for one minute 25 seconds.those must have been strange times for the gay and famous..i feel for them,and totally sympathise with how they ended up acting out that whole thing….but then i think of jimi somerville who had the courage of his own convictions right from the start…absolutely no shame whatsoever…he seems so grounded and happy to me … and i look at prince now,who’s thrown that bottle of chemical hair straightener away,in favour of a big furry afro…it just looks and feels right.

y’know so many times when i come in contact with straight friends,they’ll still make some snide jibe that does nothing for my self esteem…only yesterday i spoke to a chap i’ve known since childhood,who said he saw me on the internet with dick emery glasses on.… DICK EMERY?!…in the desert a couple of months ago i was talking to a retired cop from the north of england,who in the full knowledge of my sexuality,blithly told me how it was often his job to hang around public toilets in england to entrap gaylords in the 1970’s…he told me about the time he entrapped a big cheese from the oil industry who cried begging to not be reported..and all the while i’m listening to this,and i’m supposed to take this story like a good sport since hey,times are different now…dear reader i was livid…the next day he and his wife saw me out taking photographs of the bikers on their harleys.. he slithered up to me saying”ooh i can see you taking pictures of the boys”…THE BOYS?!…these are grizzly MEN… i just told him to fuck off…

recently thomas had old friends of his from farming days staying over in the house…we’d cleaned a spare room for them..lovely fresh bedsheets…thomas is in the kitchen making them a nice supper…it’s the very picture of domestic bliss,and this chap tells us that he feels in his soul that marriage shouldn’t be allowed for the gays…dear reader…he is saying this in our very home,where he’s having his dinner cooked by my sweetheart,and the irony and arrogance was totally lost on him…he thought he was being a completely reasonable sociable person..what really hurts is these are good people..they’re not cunts…if they were simply cunts,i could just put it down to people who are cunts…but they’re not cunts…so it hurts. i could give you a million examples of this sort of bollox,that date right back to my days as a young fey teenager,but i’m running out of your time.

thankfully me and thomas are content with our civil partnership ,cause that protects us legally…we have a lot of fun living like complete g-lords and don’t crave the empty promise of assimilation,so marriage isn’t important to us,even if it is for others,and that is surely their right.

what is important though is the shame…and if i had one thing to say to any young gaylord at the front of his or her life on world aids day, it is never let them shame you…just like the blacks,being a pansy has proven to be full of rich potential…from leonardo da vinci to david geffen… so guard the self worth that guards your health..don’t let shame take you down the road of self destruction.that’s why folk loose themselves in extreme drugs .they need to transcend the unhappy skin they’re in … any addict straight or gay will tell you.

here’s me in my dick emery glasses…  dear reader…aren’t they good?!..and what about that video at the top of the page..i love the shy dignity of those two fellas.20141024_152335 - Version 5

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22 Responses to “shame” … world aids day 2014

  1. Davey Scott says:

    It’s all there in your own Lyrics Mary, “Whatever turns you on, whatever gets you high”
    Rise above it all and be proud my friend.
    And in best Belfast tradition, “them glasses are Cracker!”
    Long may you run,

    Liked by 1 person

  2. you’re a doll davey scott….i don’t suppose you went to see the specials when they played in belfast last week…i hear it was great.


    • Davey Scott says:

      Didn’t even know about the Specials’ gig. If I had, I would’ve been there for sure. I’ve been doing the recluse thing for a few weeks. Only going out for food. Only problem is, you miss out on the good stuff like that gig, as well as the not so good.
      Stay well,
      smiley Davey 🙂


  3. Richard Malpas says:

    As i read this I felt for you. Not pity but the turmoil it must have been for you ‘being different’…not a term I use…When The Naked Civil Servant was first shown on TV I found Quentin an extremely strong character, bold and brazen but with a pain burning up inside…He suffered badly but was strong enough to stand up to his beliefs and represent who he was….I’m not too sure but wasn’t Tom Robinson one of the early ‘up-front’ performers that let you have it straight between the eyes…Sing if you’re glad to be gay….As I’ve mentioned before my sister-in-law is gay and very proud of what she is…..but she had friends that attempted to be someone they truly are not….I can imagine how you felt with your dinner guests….makes you want to cringe and open the door wide for their exit….George Michael tried but wasn’t very convincing …sussed from the beginning by some…I like him though……Take care and don’t let the bastards grind you down….as if… 😉


    • yes!! tom robinson…he was a real game changer..what he did was very brave…i met tom in new york at a shindig in the webster hall back in 1995,and got to know him a bit…me and thomas have both been made to feel welcome into his home in london a couple of times where he throws the warmest house party…he married a lovely lady and now has a grown up boy and girl…his son is the spitting image of the young tom…so he’s now a family man,which just goes to show,you can never know how life turns out… tom is a special man …

      i remember seeing the naked civil servant too back in the mid 70’s…it sort of scared me..it took me a long to time to come to terms with quentin crisp,but i now see him as one of the great radicals..in essence he was a philosopher..he lived and survived by the currency of personality and ideas,rather than the currency of money,and for me that’s truly remarkable.


  4. Richard Malpas says:

    I’ve just read that through and was a little all over the place….but hey ho.!….by the way, I like your glasses…:-)


  5. Peter says:

    I love you.


  6. tim says:

    I have never thought of you in any other terms than genius. Always stylish which ever specs you wear. A great role model. Proud to know ya x


  7. tim says:

    I meant in your sense of style and the way you carry yourself. Sod all the wrestler in Y fronts stuff lol Hoping one day you’ll send me those old Michael Nyman specs If you ain’t using em’ lol…Never did find a perfect match haha


    • i LOVE the wrestling tim..mick mcmanus is the best thing ever….i lost those glasses in a black cab a long time ago….you’d look better in a pair of aviator ray bans sweetheart…with just a pair of black boots on,and a leather biker jacket…….smoking a cigar……or maybe one of those one piece wrestling suits…hahahahahahaha


  8. tim says:

    Steve Logan was THE man! Golden memories


  9. Richard malpas says:

    We had a character locally that was one of the leading figures of the skinhead movement in the surrounding areas back in the 80s..He was notorious for his ‘bashing’….because they were gay or ‘different’. He started an uprising for demonstrations to take place in different spots….He was jailed for inciting a riot….He then became known to the media and then it all came out…He was gay himself and hid behind his mask of being ruthless…He later died, aparently of Aids….his notoriety took a nose-dive after that…I didn’t like the person myself….and his siblings are so different… …


    • that’s wild ritchie…it’s not the first time that’s happened…it sounds mad but i feel so sorry for him[and of course his victims too]..he was deflecting his own fear…such a dangerous game to play.


  10. Dawn Redmond says:

    Really moving, thought provoking words. Always glad to read what you have to say.


  11. John Howard says:

    Well said, my friend. As you know I was denied BBC Radio play because a homophobe got to decide who got played on pop radio in the ’70s and who didn’t. So ironic when you see what the BBC WERE allowing right under their noses at that time. It wasn’t like I fancied any of them either, God forbid, darling, I was just ‘myself’ in a time when you just didn’t do that. I hear from some that the bloke who ‘banned me’ radio play back then because my Out gayness upset him so much, has in recent times Come Out as gay himself. The irony continues.


  12. Elma says:

    Wow, I can’t believe your friends would be so rude to you. You are a sweet man and I adore you. I wish I could hug you someday. 😀


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