the years

there’s over thirty three years between these two photographs…i’d love to celebrate the difference,but down there in the circuit board of the personality i’m still wrestling with the same old garbage..insecurity..inferiority/superiority complexes..fear/trust..laziness/discipline..love and hate……..dear reader,it can wear you out.

on the dolly-net, a bag of nerves such as i, is inevitably drawn to those buddhist kaballah type affairs that occasionally fly up on to our screens,and the one thing that draws me in is when they talk about how life’s all about transformation…how i love that idea.the idea that i could re-wire all this old muck.there’s a deep feeling of rebellion in attempting to shake off all those conceits that’ve been passed on by the previous generations,though blaming them is of no use to anyone.they were fucked up in their turn.

if there’s one thing i’d love to become it would be more of a peoples person.i’d like to feel more comfortable around gangs of folk.i’d like to throw the doors of the house wide open and hang looser. that would be so great…i’m in awe of people who can do that.they have a natural joy about them.

i’ll leave you with a little thing i did an age ago…i composed a tune around a philip larkin poem,and then intercepted the meaning of it further with a clip i shot of a beautiful transexual.there’s also a recent,and freely downloadable song of mine (old banger) that seemed appropriate.

all my loving…mary of the wilderness.