t-rex ..retro cars ..public toilets ..hotels ..snooker and buggery ..marilyn monroe ….. that sort of thing.

yellow buick one
at 53 years of age, i still cannot drive…
when i was a teenager someone asked what car i’d like when i grew up, and in the most forthright tone i apparently said *a yellow one*.
the trouble is…cars will always represent blokishness to me…a mindset and culture i was never altogether comfortable in..
however, i do like the cadillacs ..thunderbirds .. old rolls royces..jaguars..mustangs .. buicks …..
blame it on marc bolan and rock n roll,for there’s hardly one t-rex album that doesn’t reference these lovely old glamourous automobiles..right down to the hubcaps.
*you’re built like a car,you got a hubcap diamond star halo*
or…*i drive a rolls royce,cause it’s good for my voice* …and so on.

but modern cars aren’t rock n roll to me at all…..they’re just essence of jeremy clarkson .. [who i loath]
riviera pool table
pool or snooker or billiards or whatever they call it, is equally blokish to my senses,but when a pool table is covered in sparkling diamonte like the one in the photograph,it’s a whole other feeling.
in fact i remember the first proper band i was in,
during time off, hanging around our little apartment in north london,the other boys killed time by watching snooker on the telly…
right there and then i knew i had to regroup and change my game.
however…this pool table is in the lobby of the riviera hotel in palm springs,where frank sinatra liked to come up for air and drink….so…y’know.
my friend bruce would drive me up there in the dead of night ,and we’d walk around this empty hotel during the quiet season when no one was in town,
and i’d just ogle that diamonte encrusted pool table in a stunning yet empty hotel lobby…not even a night porter bothered us.
talking of lobbies, i’m pretty much a loner at the best of times,but if i ever do hanker for the company and kindness of interesting strangers,i simply plant myself in the lobby of a good bustling hotel and wait…it never fails.
i do love hotels..in fact..they’ve pretty much replaced the municipal public toilet for me…
in london,a town i know fairly well,i have a set of five star joints mapped out in my mind if i ever need to take,what i call *an executive shit*
the trick is to walk in with absolute confidence,and just sniff your way towards their plush thundermuggs…
my reasoning is that public toilets in broken britain are simply an insult to humanity…you can’t even pick up decent men in them anymore..
and my memories of that from the 1970’s are not good anyhow.
there used to be a below ground toilet right by the taxi rank on sloane square in chelsea,which has since been filled in with cement…
one day when i was eighteen i was feeling horny and went down there to see if i could find any talent…[the week marc bolan died actually]…
anywayyyy…there was one old chap,who eyed me into a cubicle where i proceeded to bugger him with absolutely no finesse whatsoever…
and with no axel grease or lard either…
in fact it was the first time i’d ever parked my bellend up anybodies krunker..
i was banging him real hard when he looked round at me,giving me these awfully uncomfortable pinched looks through his little round spectacles..
and then something felt terribly strange…i pulled my pecker out….there was blood everywhere,and i realised i’d ripped my sodding foreskin…
i pulled my trousers up faster than you could say *jumpin jack flash* and hoofed it back to my bedsit on the underground train trembling like a leaf…
when i got back there, i immediately drowned my battle weary bellend in full strength demestos bleach, and felt traumatised about it for days.
i’m happy to report normal service was eventually restored,but hotels and the *executive shit* have definitely replaced the british public toilet …
and sex itself takes place under very strict and specific conditions nowadays….i now like quarries and other places where actual hard labour might have taken place.
having never done a days work in my whole life,[you can’t call music work]those sort of locations tend to fill me with intrigue, and fire my sexual imagination…
in the light of such things i have more or less replaced penetrative sex and bedrooms with role-play and fun loving environments.
officeoffice twotruckers
on top of ill chosen employment, i also have a deep eversion to authority,so it fills me with absolute glee to wear clobber that might be a rough approximation of say…a policeman..
it makes me feel like i’m having some sort of out of body experience…it takes me light years away from the fey songwriter that i truly am…
even my voice and accent change when i’m in the throws of this polymorphous pleasure…i go all *barracks* on you.
 officer dribble
….another thing i’m not into is marilyn monroe.. her story has been told so many times in so many ways that it all seems a bit threadbare now…
but this statue that was recently erected in the desert does fascinate me..
it sends me reeling how one momentary camera pose,where the wind blows up an actress’s frock ,becomes so calcified in our consciousness to the point where it ends up as a solid hundred foot fossil, decades after the event.
draftybig girl
laying around on a four poster bed by a hotel pool,pretending to be a resident is fun for a few hours too ,but i’m more buzzed by seeing a daft sign on a desert road beckoning me to an alice cooper show.
i only liked him for ten minutes..he came along one winter, but by early summer david bowie had arrived to release starman,and that was the end of alice for me.
that photo says it all..if you ever want to know where old rock stars end up who had too much showbiz on their minds,i’ll tell you….THE CABARET CIRCUIT.
that’s what i love about ones like neil young and tom waits…they had no problem smashing the mirror if things got a little bit too popular for their own good.
that’s why both dolls are still vital,and why you’ll never ever see either of them on the dead end cabaret circuit..
monastryalice trooperhighway star
dear reader…i hope this was fun for you…
i will leave you with a song born out of my experiences and feelings for the place i’ve just written about…
the beautiful ambient guitar part was written by my friend little mickey fingers,and i had enormous pleasure writing and singing the words and melody on top of it.
always… mary of the wilderness.

broken down swimming pool

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5 Responses to t-rex ..retro cars ..public toilets ..hotels ..snooker and buggery ..marilyn monroe ….. that sort of thing.

  1. Tim says:

    Gay, but never fey..as you put it ‘as hard as butter’ and we wouldn’t want you any other way…Oh, have a good Xmas too dear man, much love to you.


  2. I’m stealing that phrase about going all *barracks*! x


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